I’m having one of those “I’m not enough” days.
You know the kind where you question everything about yourself: am I a good enough mom? am I pretty enough? is my house clean enough? Do I dress well enough? Do I eat healthy enough?
Those are only a few of the annoying thoughts running through my head today.
You’d think by now I could let go of my insecure youth, but that part of me still makes herself known. Being completely comfortable with who am is a work in progress and I think that it may always be, isn’t it for everyone?
Life is a work in progress, right?
Heck, I’ve come a long way from the days where I hid my chronic illness or ignored it altogether; I’m overly comfortable to talk about it now, seriously! I’m at peace with that part of myself, but it definitely took time to get here. My health is just another part of my story.
I’m leaving this post by saying “embrace your story” and “embrace your imperfection”, that’s not just a reminder to all of you…it’s a reminder to me too.
I’m Mike Oliver, and my wife Maria suffers from a rare and severe form of Peripheral Resistance to Thyroid Hormone and lives in constant hypothyroid state. She has no medical care. Ashley was very kind to let us post some information on her blog about Maria’s condition and our family’s struggle to cure her disease.
My wife was a wonderful artist and a successful designer but now this disease has stripped her of the ability to do all the things she loved. Her illness affects peripheral tissues, which are resistant to Thyroid Hormone, a hormone we need to live; without it, our body functions slow down and organs malfunction; if left untreated, hypothyroidism can cause a slew of diseases like diabetes, cancer and others; it can even kill. Maria has been battling it for the last 6 years, and although she is taking medication, her illness is getting progressively worse day after day. Continue reading
This little miracle is the reason I’ve been absent. Please welcome my son, Jasper.
Alright, so it’s been a while, I’m working more than I thought I would. With Christmas around the corner, countless doctor’s appointments, and life in general my writing has taken a hit.
The good news is, I’ve been healthy, really healthy. I added a small bit of Synthroid (T4) to my ginormous Cytomel (T3) dose and (fingers crossed) it seems to be working.
I haven’t felt this good, during the fall months, in years.
That’s all I’m going to say for now— I don’t want to jinx it!
What else can I tell you? Well…the whole baby-making adventure has been a gong show. We finally have my primary doctor on board, but when we went for our initial consult with the OBGYN it didn’t go as planned. She told us getting pregnant would be extremely dangerous and that we needed to hold off trying to conceive.
She didn’t know enough about my illness to let us move forward. Ugh!! Continue reading
It is one thing to feel sick, it is another to look sick. I’ve written before on how hard it is for me to look at photos of myself from times when I’ve been ill and I wish I could tell you I’m too zen now to let it bother me…I’m not.
I’ve been feeling well lately but I am in constant fear that the heavier, puffier, paler version of myself could make an appearance at any time. And before you know it I’m trying to force 10lbs of sugar into a 5lb bag (or jeans) that fit just one week ago. Damn you hormones!
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, those of us living with a chronic illness are forced to deal with our “body image” sooner or later. At times we can look like someone else, someone we don’t recognize in the mirror; our changing appearance can be caused by medications, treatments or just the illness itself.
In one of my favorite books chronically ill Dr. Naomi Remen writes on how she goes up and down dress sizes depending on her medications. Over a year she can weigh varying amounts and her closet accommodates for this. Amen, sister.
I don’t have an easy solution to deal with your body image, it is something I’m still working on. But I do know this: the people who truly love you pay little attention to your physical appearance. They see your sense of humor, your kindness, your thoughtfulness, they see what makes you, you and that can never be taken away by illness.
Readers, how do you deal with looking ill?